You always set Google Calendar notifications to cancel free trials before you get charged. The Pride and Prejudice (2005) soundtrack is an annual feature in your Spotify Wrapped. Your toenails are so freakishly sharp they frequently catch the fabric of your socks. If a time machine could take you anywhere for a day, your first instinct would be to put your phone on airplane mode so you can avoid data roaming charges. You feel inexplicably drawn to the moon and your best friend’s cranky older sibling. You love to cook because it makes you feel like a witch.
The number of photos you’ve taken of your baby blue Polaroid camera is far greater than the photos you’ve taken with your baby blue Polaroid camera. You eat Twix bars by gnawing off the caramel layer first like a baby beaver before crunching down on the biscuit. Every time you check into a hotel, you hope there’s only one bed, even though you have no one to be forced to share it with. You’re secretly proud that your elementary school teachers frequently sat you next to the uncontrollable kids in class so you could be a “positive influence” on them. You had a crush on at least two of these kids. Euphoria stresses you out.
You hate dating apps because you would rather meet someone naturally and organically, but you have never once put yourself in a situation where you could meet someone naturally and organically. You firmly believe you could pull a low-ranking member of any Central European monarchy. You have been in love with your dentist for several years. In your spare time, you enjoy pining after pinewood-perfumed cologne.
You prefer mittens to gloves, guacamole to salsa, and London, Ont. to London, England. You once spent 20 minutes choosing your favourite flower just so you could say you have a favourite flower. You buy all your gifts on Etsy and have never once scalded your tongue by drinking a hot beverage too quickly. With every passing day, you move further and further away from acting on your life-long dream to learn how to crochet. You are a Pisces.
You have the posture of someone who could be ringing the bells of the Notre Dame Cathedral in 19th century Paris with only a trio of gargoyles to keep you company. There are multiple half-filled floral Papyrus agendas from the past seven years stacked in the darkest corner of your bookshelf. You have a vast collection of stickers acquired since childhood because you cannot commit to a surface on which to stick them. Your favourite part of an apple is its core.